This is one truth everyone should know:
There are only ever going to be a handful of people that you have a truly deep personal relationship with.
This is especially true for the online world. When you build up your social media presence, you attempt to connect with everybody. You do actually connect with people but it isn’t always a positive connection. What you need to do is prevent yourself from trying to please everyone and to keep them happy. Simply allow the relationship to happen with the people that you actually like and who like you too.
What that does is help you filter your relationships down. Filter from a lot of people you have some kind of relationship with to a smaller group of people that you actually like and to whom you genuinely connect. This in turn manifests as trust.
Scaling The Quality Of The “Relating”
There are three aspects of relating online: connect, engage, and relate. Those are the three things that need to be differentiated.
First, you need something to relate about with the other person. Then, you need to have a method of engagement. Finally, there is the deepening of the felt experience that you have for that person.
So, to do this, first, you throw yourself out there, particularly if you’re going public in social media, and ask yourself “who likes what I’m talking about? Who finds it interesting or relates to it?”
Little by little, you find people that begin to relate. So, when you go to conferences, and hit the real world, you will find more people with a shared perspective.
If you have a tribe of 100 people who are following you, and these are ones that respect, appreciate, and understand to some extent where you are coming from, then you have what you need.
100 is the magic number to start thinking about spreading information across a network. However, in order to get to that 100, you need 10 thousand people to choose to deepen that online relationship with you in some point in time. These 100 people are those who can understand you and utilize that understanding in a way that does something in their life. However, in terms of whom you would spend time with, that is a limited number of people. Online, it is not easy for that kind of deep relationship to be built.
Ask yourself “what is the nature of relationship I’m seeking to have with that person?” Look at your network so you can understand what you are seeking. Are you seeking something specific or do you simply like that person and therefore that is why they are the ones you interact with?
The challenge that a lot of people face is trying to get somewhere as opposed to simply liking people. And if you start with liking someone so you can get somewhere, then you’ll end up with something better.
Finding “Your People”
Personally, if I’m face to face with someone, I will definitely make a joke that might make them uncomfortable. That is very often my intention, because I find it funny to watch people's responses.
I use language in order to move people’s minds into different places. That is a way for me to find the ones that can relate enough, as well as the ones who will be uncomfortable around me and will definitely not be 'fans'.
This also helps me know what kind of boundaries I should set with people, and is a technique that has worked well for me. Let’s take swearing, for example. It is a way of breaking down a barrier that people have of properness, and I use that as a tool.
There is also a way you could broaden the relating process by relating to generalized experiences, of course. For example talking about favourite TV shows - which are different to virtual reality, which is more of a subject for a specific niche I write on too.
Online, not everyone is going to relate to everything, but they’re going to relate to specific things that they feel are close to their principles and ideals.
Understanding 'how things work' will help you tremendously. And so will this guide below...